And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
