Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
