in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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