Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
