Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
