But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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