Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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