Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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