Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
