Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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