She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
