when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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