I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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