I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
