someone owes me an orgasm
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
True strength comes from lack of pants
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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