I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
