Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
