I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
