I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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