The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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