come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
