I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
