i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
