Having a random hookup so left but love u
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
