So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
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