the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
