Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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