she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
