I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
