Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
