The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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