it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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