Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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