Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
