I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
