i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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