Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Panties = found
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