WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
