i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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