we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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