I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
