Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
