Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
