I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
this beer tastes like vomit already
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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