When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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