I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
