Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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