i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
