I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
