lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
