I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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